Every time we turn on the tv, there is a story about another spouse being cheated on? Or it’s the same story with more partners surfacing which affects the loyal spouse even more. From feelings of hurt, disappointment, denial and even anger, when a spouse has an affair it makes the spouse at home take a look at themselves like never before. Initially, you begin blaming yourself – maybe you didn’t cook enough, gained some weight or was too independent or something else. You begin to go through in your mind many reasons it happened which at the end of the day, you are at the root of what happened.
For those of you reading this article understand there is a battle that is going on in your mind. Let’s face it, it all starts in your mind and that is the same place that it can be stopped as you prepare to handle the cards that you have recently been dealt. This last weekend, I went to see “Why Did I Get Married Too” by Tyler Perry and there it was on the screen as if Mr. Perry had been watching my life. Lo and behold this character “ Pat” played by (Janet Jackson) was a successful author of the book, ” He Cheated, So Now What?” In reality, I’ve authored a book with a very similar title ”So He Cheated, Now What?”
Oftentimes, people pattern their lives after what they see on the big screen. In “Why Did I Get Married Too”, Pat (Janet Jackson) provides tips to trusting your spouse that brings some interesting dialogue amongst the characters in the movie, especially Angela, (Tasha Smith ). “So He Cheated, Now What” offers steps to healing and restoration after an affair. This book is written to help women rebuild the love and trust. Real and raw emotions are revealed in order to help someone else that might be suffering alone and behind closed doors.
The number of people committing infidelity seems to be rampant at this time and what you are not hearing is how do couples survive after the affair. How does the wife forgive the husband that committed infidelity or that husband forgive the wife. In “So He Cheated, Now What”, readers will get insight into a marriage that survived an affair.
Whether or not you decide to stay in your marriage after an affair should be weighed very carefully: (1) Consider the reason why you are staying – is it so the other woman cannot win; (2) Is it just for the kids and then once they are gone you are out of there; or even (3) Because you have heard from God and are being obedient to his leading you because he knows the BIG picture.
If you choose to stay, ensure you follow these beginning three rules:
(1) Forgive and do not throw it up in the spouse’s face that committed infidelity.
(2) Recognize that rebuilding trust and your relationship is a process, it will not happen overnight.
(3) Communicate truthfully what your feelings are.
“Regardless of who commits the infidelity, what happens in your marriage is between you and your spouse. When you bring in outside people, you tend to get the worldly view on how to handle a situation. Being a STRONG woman of FAITH, I look forward to that daily guidance from God. I don’t take it for granted, yet appreciating it more and more. As you are preparing to make decisions about your marriage, think about the BIG picture and what you want to accomplish long-term” says Cleveland
Nicole Cleveland is the author of So He Cheated, Now What a survival guide to overcoming an affair in your marriage. Nicole is available to speak at your marriage workshops, retreats, youth groups or even nonprofit event and you may contact her through her website at www.nicoleonline.com.